


Catch My Breath

by Rebekah_Zellers



Category: NCIS
Genre: Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:14:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29455833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebekah_Zellers/pseuds/Rebekah_Zellers
Summary: A health crisis brings Tony & Tali back to Virginia.  Will the emotional growth of the men involved be enough to save what was thought as lost?Spoiler Warning: If you did not see last week's NCIS, you may want to skip.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 37





	Catch My Breath

Anger was threatening to consume Tony, driving towards the docks, the former agent needed to find a place to calm down. He had made the choice to pack Tali up and return home, he put their life on hold to come back for a man that didn’t give a damn about him. Stepping onto the dock, Tony looked out onto the murky water of the river, his mind flashing to a memory so many years ago.

“ _Tony?” Gibbs knocked on his apartment door; his voice rising in tempo when Tony didn’t answer. The distant sound of clicking barely registered in Tony’s mind, his body was not cooperating. “Tony?”_

_“Boss?” DiNozzo whispered. “So tired..”_

_“I can imagine,” Gibbs looked around the bedroom, there were no signs of Tony’s clothing or that he had made it even as far as the shower. “Tony?” Pulling the cover’s back, Gibbs heart almost shattered when he realized his agent was still in the same suit that he had jumped into that polluted water in. “Going to need a hand.” Gibbs said softly into the phone._

_Tony didn’t register Jimmy’s presence for twenty-four hours. He didn’t remember the warm shower, Brad bringing antibiotics. He had no recollection of Ducky’s homemade chicken soup being spooned into his mouth every couple hour or the straws that touched his lips asking him to drink._

_The first thing he remembered after leaving the dock was waking up with Gibbs asleep at his left, in what appeared to be the recliner from the living room and Jimmy on his right, asleep on the fold out that he kept in the laundry room._

“That was a good day,” Tony whispered as he looked up at the sky. “What happened to us?”  
“We grew,” Palmer said softly from behind his friend. “I was worried about you, I asked Tim to ping your phone. It showed that you were here; I am going to guess it didn’t go very well.”

  
“He’s angry that Tali is alive,” Tony sighed. “My daughter is alive, his is dead. Tali is growing up without her mother and he’s angry at me.”

“On some sick level, this isn’t shocking me that you feel this way.” Palmer moved to stand beside his friend. “Did you even to see him yet?" Sighing at the exasperated that Tony was allowing his past issues to cause issues in the present. "Come stay with us, Tali and Victoria can play together.”

“I’m going to spend some time with my dad,” Tony sighed. “He wants to come back to Paris with us for a while; he’s in love with being a grandpa to my daughter.”

“He misses you,” Palmer smiled. “We have him over for dinner once a month; he talks about his son and granddaughter nonstop.”

“He surprised me,” Tony sighed. “When that precious little girl was dropped in my lap, my father lit up and fell into the role of grandpa. He is a better grandfather than he was a father, but he is trying. Gibbs went to his boat and bourbon; I went to him to say goodbye.”

“Maybe he wasn’t ready to let go,” Palmer suggested, he moved closer to the water. “He’s changed a lot, Tony. What you are perceiving as cold and avoidance isn’t that it’s fear.”

“Fear of what?” Tony shouted.  
“Maybe he isn’t angry at you because of Tali,” Palmer sighed as he turned towards his friend. “Maybe he scared of reaching out because he does not know how long you’re going to be around. He has lost a lot in his life, Tony.”

“I almost lost my daughter,” Tony growled. “I lost Ziva twice, Tali has no mother.”

“Tali has a father,” Palmer snapped. “You be the best that you can be for your daughter, but you need to stop carrying that chip around on your shoulder. I love you like a brother, Tony, but you are the problem right now.”

“When you stepped off that plane,” a voice carried through the void behind them. “Was the anger already consuming you?”

“Yes,” Tony growled. “I had to find out from McGee that they found a mass. That should have come from him, not Timothy McGee.”

Moving to stand shoulder to shoulder with Tony, Vance looked over river. “You worked with Gibbs long enough to know he is private. The only reason that McGee knew was because he hacked into the hospital records after he pinged his phone after Gibbs went off grid.”

“He didn’t tell me that,” Tony glanced at Vance. “What else did McGee find?”

“Nothing,” Vance sighed. “There is nothing to find, he has to have a biopsy. I had to be told, he cannot be in the field until he is cleared. Where is Tali?”

“With my dad,” Tony swallowed convulsively. “Is he home?”

“Yes,” Vance drew out the response. “He knows you are here; I told him you were coming and what McGee did.”

Turning to make his way to the car, Tony was startled to find Gibbs leaning against his truck several feet away. Walking towards his friend, he took several deep breaths to center himself. “Gibbs.”

“Good to see you, Tony.” Gibbs maintained eye contact, he wanted to make sure that Tony felt welcome.

“Good to see you too, Gibbs. Want to go get some coffee?” Tony pointed to his rental. “I will follow you.”

Settling into a corner booth at the diner, Gibbs watched as Tony stood at the counter getting their coffee and placing their order. All the years away, it didn’t change how well his former agent knew him.

“So,” Tony sat down. “Let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way first.” Picking up his glass of soda, Tony took a drink. “How are you feeling?”

“A little tired,” Gibbs shrugged. “Not sleeping well, the unknown… you know.”

“I know,” Tony twisted his glass in circles on the table. “When is your biopspy?”

“Three days,” Gibbs stared into the bottom of his coffee cup. “I didn’t call you because I didn’t want you to uproot Tali because of this. If it is bad, I would have called you.”

“Would you have?” Tony looked up to find Gibbs watching him, the vulnerability in his eyes was breaking his heart. “You would have, I can see it. We have some things to work through, I won’t lie about that.”

“Tony,” Gibbs’s hand started to tremble causing him to draw it closer to his body. “I didn’t know I was hurting you. Thought that I was protecting you, I didn’t see what I was doing.”

“I’m not you,” Tony whispered. “You were the closet thing to a father that I had for years, when that felt like it changed, I was devastated. When Tali was brought to me, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared and I didn’t want to reach out to you, I didn’t want her presence to hurt you.”

“Is that why you left?” Gibbs questioned as he took his plate from the waitress.

“I felt like Ziva was still alive, I had to try to find her.” Tony pushed his food around on his plate. “Found her, but she’s changed so much that I wanted to protect our daughter from her and the danger she was attracting.”

“She came here,” Gibbs shook his head in disbelief. “Reached out for help, but she wasn’t Ziva anymore. Said you found her and left her. Had pictures of Tali, said you gave them to her. She vanished after we resolved her problem, closed the case. Told her I wouldn’t interfere or speak on your behalf; it was your decision to make for your family. Told her that I knew you would make the best decision for yourself and your daughter.”

“I did,” Tony blew out a breath. “I didn’t realize she came here. I won’t let her hurt my daughter; I can’t let her hurt my daughter.” Picking up his fork, Tony started eating to change the subject. “Dad was planning a shopping trip with Tali, he wanted to get her beach toys.”

“Sounds fun,” Gibbs poked at his food as he spoke.

“It will be,” Tony nodded. “Once you finish your food, we can go.” There was no uncertainty in Tony’s voice which was a miracle. Fatherhood had changed Tony; he had learned in the years since he left NCIS that there were times you took up the fight and there were times you needed to lay down your sword. Today, he was going to lay down his sword. The way Gibbs had handled the Ziva situation showed that even as a former agent, the man before him had his back.

“We should talk first,” Gibbs sighed. “I should have done better by you, Tony. Don’t let me off the hook.”

“You should have done better by me,” Tony agreed. “I am not going to dispute that, but we have both allowed our past mistakes to consume our life. When I got here, I was so angry with you for not calling me that I couldn’t even face you. My emotions from years past didn’t allow me to see a different perspective. I don’t want to fight with you, Gibbs. My daughter should get to know you; she could get to know the man that I have seen with children all the years I was on the team. It’s time,” Tony took a breath. “For both of us to stop trying to live up to expectations that we imposed upon ourselves in the name of those that died. I can’t be that agent that Director Shepherd was trying to groom or the man that Jeanne Benoit was to marry. I couldn’t save Paula from sacrificing herself to save us. I’m tired, Gibbs. My daughter deserves better, we deserve better.”

Victoria and Tali loved playing in the park with the men. Gibbs taking the time to show both girls how to throw a baseball. “You’re a natural,” Gibbs snickered at both girls. The kiss that Victoria planted on his cheek made the gruff man weak in the knees. “I’m never going to wash that cheek.” Jethro whispered to the little girl, laughing when Tali swooped in with the help of her dad to get the other one.

“You’re going to want to wash them eventually,” Tali sighed. “If you get clogged pores, the acne could be a nightmare.”

“Spoken like a true DiNozzo,” Palmer laughed.

The next morning, Gibbs woke up to the smell of coffee and breakfast cooking. Making his way downstairs, he found Senior wiping down the table while Tony and Tali cooked.

“You slept hard,” Tony commented softly. “We’re going to the beach today. Palmer is coming with Victoria, too. He said you have been his anchor since Breena passed away.”

“Damn virus,” Gibbs sighed. “Killed too many people; such preventable tragedy.”

“World-wide,” Tony sighed. “Don’t know that I will ever feel safe in a public place without a mask. Covid-19 changed not only the world, but the people in it.”

“Breakfast ready?” Senior questioned loudly.

The beach was fun leaving everyone starving by the time they were willing to bring out the grill. Burgers were sizzling, Gibbs smiling as he served as the grill master. Even if his impending biopsy was playing on his mind, he was able to hide it from everyone.

“This is the most fun day,” Victoria yelled as she ran up to Gibbs. “That smells so good!”

“It’s more fun than anything,” Tali yelled as she ran to tag Palmer. “I can run faster than you, old man.” Laughter turned to a need to flee when Palmer took off after her.

“Today was a good day,” Gibbs commented to Tony as they sat on the back porch after Tali had gone to bed. “Thank you for coming Tony.”

“I missed you,” Tony sighed.

“I missed you too.” Gibbs wiggled further into his lounge chair. “Didn’t realize…”

“Didn’t realize what?” Tony whispered as he watched Gibbs fight sleep.

“The void you left.” Gibbs mumbled as he fell into a deep sleep, secure in the knowledge that he was not alone; exhausted by two very active girls that kept him entertained.

Tony paced the sidewalk outside the hospital waiting for his cellphone to ring. Gibbs had been taken to the procedure room two hours prior leaving Tony alone with his thought and fears.

“Hey,” Palmer walked up on his friend. “Figured you would be out here. Any news yet?”

“No,” Tony sighed. “He’s changed, just like you said. I don’t recognize this man, but I do like this version.”

“He’s had so much loss in his life,” Jimmy whispered. “When I lost Breena, he confronted me with such honesty that I couldn’t breathe. I was sharing the same pain that this man, that I had admired for so many years had carried with him for decades. You have pain from thinking you lost Ziva and having to walk away from her. There is a difference, Tony. In your gut, you knew she wasn’t dead. My wife is dead, she died hooked up to a ventilator all alone. I couldn’t hold her hand or say good-bye. I couldn’t be with her, I said good-bye over facetime. Gibbs didn’t even have that and he lost his daughter too. How do you go on after burying your daughter?”

“I am so sorry about Breena,” Tony pulled his friend into a hug. “I should have come home to be here for you.”

“But you didn’t,” Palmer snapped. “When I was lost in my grief, stuck in a state of denial, it was Gibbs that was there for me. It was Gibbs that came to my rescue when my car broke down on my way to get groceries, Victoria in the backseat. It was Gibbs that defended you and your decision to be single father to Ziva, when she tried to manipulate him into taking his side. I am not excusing the bad behavior from the other years, Tony. People change. Life has a way of kicking you in the gut and just when you regain your breath and are ready to stand up, it kicks you again.”

Walking down the sidewalk to a nearby bench, Palmer sat down. “You okay?” Tony approached softly. “What can I do to help you?”

“Be my big brother,” Palmer growled. “We had an amazing friendship; I want that back. I can’t have my wife back, Tony. I want her back it hurts so much to look at that empty seat at the dining room table. I look in my daughter’s eyes and I see Breena. We were trying for another baby; I was robbed of my chance to have another baby with my wife. I am tired of mourning our friendship, Tony. Please, I just need you to be there for us.”

“I can do that, Jimmy.” Tony bumped shoulders with his friend. “I promise.”

“Mr. DiNozzo,” a nurse walked out to the sidewalk. “He’s in recovery and the doctor will be down to speak with you soon. He did well.”

“Brad,” Tony shook his old friend’s hand. “How is he?”

“Grumpy,” Dr. Pitt laughed. “He’s tired from the twilight meds. He may be sore for a couple days. I do want him to take it very easy for the next seventy-two hours. We want to make sure everything seals. The follow up x-rays showed no leaking air and the lung did not collapse. No physical exertion, I will let him know when he can start that again.”

“How long before he has results?”

“Forty-eight hours,” Brad sighed. “I am not going to give him the time frame, I will tell him about a week. I don’t want him jumping every time his phone rings or not resting worried about the results. Keep him hydrated and resting.”

“Can he ride in a car? I mean beyond the ride home today. I thought maybe a change of scenery would help.” Tony watched Brad’s face.

“As long as you are in close distance of the hospital,” Pitt turned towards the area where Gibbs was resting. “He be released now, but I do want him to rest.”

“Where are you taking him?” Palmer was confused. “He needs to be close to the hospital.”

“I talked to Vance,” Tony shrugged. “Going to take him to Leon’s house on the lake. He will be able to rest there and Vance is having work calls rerouted to McGee.”

“Palmer?” Gibbs voice carried into the hallway as the nurse pushed him towards the two men. “Thank you for keeping Tony company.”

“My pleasure, Gibbs. Get some rest, drink a lot of fluids, and let Tali take care of you. I hear that she is a really good nurse.” Palmer teased. “I’ll see you tomorrow and I will bring Victoria too. Call me if you need me.”

Tony expected an argument from Gibbs when he didn’t take him home. Surprised that his patient was complaint, Tony felt a bit panicked. The house had a huge TV, a movie collection that impressed Tony greatly and Vance had the fridge well stocked. “Let’s get you in bed, Brad said you are going to be a bit sore, so he wants you to rest. Once I get things situated, we can watch a movie together.”

For two days, Gibbs watched movies with the DiNozzo family, ate, drank and napped. He enjoyed walking around the wooded area by the house and just sitting by the lake watching the fish jump.

They had just walked into a bait shop to get a fishing license when Jethro’s phone rang. “Hospital number,” Gibbs looked at the phone, his hand starting to shake. “This is Gibbs.” Listening silently, Gibbs found himself leaning against the side of the building trying to stay on his own two feet. Hanging up the phone, he handed it to Tony without even thinking.

“What did he say?” Tony whispered softly as he guided Gibbs to a bench. “Gibbs?”

“Everything came back benign. I am fine, but he wants to keep me on a 4 month recall to make sure it stays that way. Says it could be from when I had the heart surgery.” Blowing out a breath, Gibbs sagged against Tony. “I didn’t realize how scared I was.”

“I have never heard you admit fear," Tony sat in disbelief and concern. "What can I do to help?”

"You can tell me how we fix our friendship," Gibbs looked up to the sky. "I never wanted to hurt you, Tony. When you left the country, I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. I thought Ziva was dead, you were hurting and reeling. I didn't know how to even start to reach out to you. Honestly, I was not sure it was my place. I never hated Tali, I never resented you for having a daughter. I just did not know how to fix what I had broken by trying to protect you."

"I was so lost," Tony's confession didn't surprise Gibbs, but it made his heart ache. "My father tried to reach out to me, ended up just being there for Tali. After I found Ziva, I saw how much she had changed. I did not want to put you through losing her again. To me, it was best if she remained dead. She was dead inside so there did not really seem to be a reason to hurt everyone again. My loss is not the same as your loss or Palmer's loss, it's a choice that I made for myself and my daughter. I cannot fully understand your hurt, but I can understand from a father's point of view what you were trying to do for me. Now, what can I do to help you? What do you need?"

“To catch my breath,” Gibbs whispered.

"I'll be here," Tony reassured. "You once told me whether I am on your team or off living my life, I am still part of your team. Took me until two days ago to realize you meant family. We're family; we'll catch our breaths together and find our way through."


End file.
